I guess I can call myself a recovering control freak. Not the sort who is bossy and mean (at least not usually). The sort who never wants anyone to be unhappy. So she goes around soothing hurts, shushing insults, making excuses for people and generally orchestrating peace accords.
It is not too difficult mending my ways. I read somewhere it is a disrespect to the very people we try to protect and to ourselves. If we don't believe a person is capable of regulating their own emotions, navigating relationships and making good choices, well then, we probably don't think much of them now do we?
So I am trying. Trying to stay out of it when the kids fight over trivial stuff (of course except when it gets violent). Trying to stay out of it when Dad and Son are arguing over how to play a video game. Trying to stay out of it when people choose to do something that you just KNOW won't be good for them. Trying to walk away when someone is in a bad mood, instead of prying to try to fix it.
Recently a committee I'm on held its annual party. Its a fun affair, a bunch of nice moms enjoying desserts and coffee for a few hours. But one of group never, ever joins in for anything.... I almost succumbed to calling her and "making her" come, I just KNOW she would have a good time. But I stopped myself. I said aloud, "Detach with Love". And so, I am.
Being a control freak also extended into my housekeeping years ago. It took away time from my enjoyment of my kiddoes when they were babies. I spent inordinate amounts of time worrying about how my house looked when really, did it matter then? Now I have the time, but then I did not. If I had to do it all over again, I would have ignored everything else but hubs and babes. But hindsight really is 20-20, yes? And, by the way, white linoleum in a kitchen? A BIG no-no, ok? It never appears clean, even if it is. Now my kids generally do their laundry, who cares what drawer they put it away in. This really works (even with my 8 y.o. he's been folding since he was 4) because the morning they realize they've run out of clean clothes to wear is the day they learn to do it for themselves.
Well, those are my thoughts. I accept my faults and others', as long as no one gets hurt. I respect their right to make their own decisions. I hereby detach, with love.
Make it a Great Day!
Ann
Hooray! I had the same thought about my kids who are good kids but just arent doing what I think is best for them but something I have come to terms with as much as it hurts is they have their own life to lead I just pray on the constant that have happy lives and continue to be good productive people.(teary eyed) I too detach.
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